Misconceptions About Narcissism - Exposing a Narcissist

 I've written quite a lot about narcissism (by which I mean in the context of narcissitic personality disorder, or npd) on social media, and see a number of questions which involve different misunderstandings, which I thought would be interesting to cover in some blog posts dealing with misconceptions about narcissism.

The misconception of "Exposing a Narcist" involves asking what a narcissism will do when you "expose" them, the idea being that they have learned you have discovered their true identity, and how will they handle that. The misconception is that from the point of view of the narcissist, there is nothing to expose. They do not perceive that there is anything wrong with them, or that they are doing anything wrong, or even noteworthy (in terms of things you might think of negatively -- they certainly think they do noteworthy positive things).

From the point of view of the victim, narcissists are monsters intent on destruction, but from their point of view, they are harmless -- nay, beneficial (you are blessed to be in their presence) -- and any difficulties which transpire are because you don't do what they want you to do. If you would just listen to them and do their will, everything would be fine, because they know best.

It's a strange mentality, where they don't consider the possibility they might be wrong, but this attitude is all too common, even among those without npd, as anyone who has been on Twitter can see.

The point is that given that from their point of view, they are not doing anything wrong, nor do they ever do so, it makes no sense to thing in terms of "exposing" them, as if they were trying to hold on to a secret identity. Such an attempt, from the point of view of the narcissist, would just look like an unprovoked and unjustified attack, further strengthening their perception that you are the one with the problems, and they are fine just the way they are.

Instead of thinking in terms of exposing them, or anything else which involves interaction with them, the goal should be to live a narcissist free life, one where your head is free from the clattering of narcissism.

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